I can remember back to a time where, my life, appeared to be an open book. The life I lived was that of my own and “what you saw is what you would get.” I was my own person and whatever I was going through, at the time, I didn’t hesitate to share it with my family, associates, and friends.
I truly thought “keeping it real” was one of my greatest assets. Until one day… I shared with someone, very close to me, that I was working in an adult entertainment club (as a waitress, mind you…) but the rumors, that were spread, said otherwise. Can you imagine?
I had become so disgusted with the idea of gossip (Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true) that I just shut down.
I still didn’t make much about what people thought about me, but I figured adding wood to the fire, by giving them something to talk about, was not helping the situation. Neither did I realize, at the time, that the people I shared with this information couldn’t be trusted. The sudden offset of the truth, and being misconstrued, had me shrink down into a place of unfamiliar territory. So, I just kept to myself. I was lost…
Living a life of transparency was a choice of my own and I had no clue that, often times; it’s just not something that people choose to do. I didn’t understand it as a “greater” quality to life, as if we had a choice. I was left confused and wondering… With the weight of the world “seemingly” on my shoulders, I began looking for love in all the wrong places and I began considering the very same things that I was being accused of.
Have you ever thought, to yourself: “If I’m going to be accused of doing something, that I didn’t do, then I may as well do it anyway? Well… Thank God, it was just a thought but, unknowingly, I had began to create a world; where people tend to believe a lie, oppose to the truth. I tried blending in, by dumbing myself down because no one believed that I was smart enough to acquire the things that I had, on my own. Based on the rumors, people thought less of me and although I was living a millionaire life style; I begin to think less of myself, as well.